Life.Now.

I find it interesting how we can exist in our self created world for months without change, until we make one single decision, and the entire deck of cards crumbles beneath you. Most of the time I can predict the impact a particular change will have on my life..but others I underestimate. Letting go of Mike, was just the tip of a very large iceberg in my life. (keep in mind, I hesitate even as I write this blog the futility of it, the purpose it serves in publishing it to god knows who...whatevs.) But I thought I would, for a small moment document the impact, or the change in events it has caused in mine.

In any committed relationship, you take on certain responsibilities. One person always pays the bills, the other makes sure the laundry is done, one washes the car, the other person makes sure the movies get returned on time...and so life together is established. And after seven years, we established a routine. But being newly...it kind of feels like it's you against the world. You realize, in a new light independence with all it's glitz and glamour, freedom and fun-filled nights come with a price. It's you that has to do it all.

But life has a funny sense of timing. Somehow, things never happen in a crescendo....rather like a tsunami on an unsuspecting pansy..lol. So...this is how my personal tsunami has played out...in the last month.

Tests two times a week

Clinical rotations twice weekly

Andrews sixth birthday, with no pictures

Diagnosable anxiety

Ending of a relationship

Saying goodbye to close friends

Mufasa moving in with Mike

A canceled tuition payment

Rescuing parents

And support from places I never expected

Loving family

Wrestling with my own personal demons

Establishing new financial independence

Dividing seven years worth of gathered and treasured goods

Dividing one life in two

Waking up at 3 a.m. to study

Going to bed at 11 p.m.

Sleeping in

Making new friends

Loving the ones I've already made....

And if you're still reading, I'm impressed, haha. So, I don't want this to sound like a sob story...because I treasure life, and I realize that through every storm comes growth and positive change. I have been blessed with incredibly supportive family and friends. But, this is a blog about my life...and this is how it has played out, so far.

Breaking Up

Mike and I broke up last week. I don't want to go into a lot of detail about the why's and what went wrong. We were best friends, lovers, and confidants for seven years. I still love him and want what is best for him, however I felt that spending the rest of our lives together wasn't the right decision. I hate breaking up. Not that I've had to do it much in my life...but it really sucks. It sucks to have to make a decision that you know will hurt your best friend. It sucks to have to call people up one by one and tell them about your decision. It sucks to have to rehash the reasons time and time again. But I have been so incredibly blessed and surprised by the support I have been given from family, both Mike's and my own, and friends.

I have been thinking a lot about the break-up this past week. Obviously. Here is what I've been thinking about.

1. When do take down the pictures of you together around the house?

2. How long does it take to really 'feel' single?

3. How many times will I have to say 'my boyfriend...I mean...my ex-boyfriend'?

4. How do you decide who gets what?

5. Why can't people just be friends afterwards, because one of the hardest part of breaking up is losing my best friend.

6. Why do people always break their promises after breaking up?

7. Is there such things as shared custody of a dog?

8. I understand why people do it, and I realize it's a kind gesture...but I really hate when people say 'Is there anything I can do for you?'. If there was I would ask. I promise.

9. I also hate the 'Are you okay?' question. Chances are unless your a close friend or family member, I'm not going to tell you the truth anyways.

10. It feels weird to be single and living alone.

11. I'm really glad that school takes up so much of my time.

12. I really hate sleeping alone, but apparently I need to just deal with that because the situation is not likely to change anytime in the near future.

13. Speaking of the future. I'm really excited for mine!

14. I feel like I have a new lease on life.

15. I don't regret a single moment I spent with Mike.

3,808 miles

So, I'm returning from the blog graveyard. I'm sure my 1.2 readers are pining away wondering what exciting adventures I've been up to. However, unless you count inserting a Foley catheter into a 300 pound sweating penis exciting (it was nasty and required two assistants to 'support' the belly), my adventures have been fairly tame. There have however been some changes.

Change number one: He's 6'0, has a bangin body, is my best friend, and just (as in, you know...three weeks ago 'just') moved to Alaska. Let me answer the questions before you ask. Yes, I miss him like crazy. Yes, it was a very difficult decision. Yes, summer is a long time and October feels like a million years from now.

Mike: Enjoying the Alaskan life

Change number two: It's actually one change that's ricocheted into 1,000 tiny changes. Change number one means that I now live alone, and it.is.sooo.weird. This means that there's no one to rescue me from a mountain of dishes I don't think I can conquer, I can buy as many cucumbers as I want while I'm grocery shopping, my showers are a lot more boring, Mufasa is the main man in my bed, and I'm constantly worrying about the creep in the bushes.

Me: Living alone

Change number three: I found a flea. The second one since we moved to Florida. My OCD ass was on the phone with the vet within ten minutes questioning her about why his flea medication was failing me! So, I solved the problem. I shaved him, all the hair, gone. No hair, no fleas, happy home. If it this isn't enough to give him a complex, I don't know what will.

Mufasa, two months after the infamous shaving. He's bitter.

Change number four: The Honda, our black beast that made the drive from the chilled Alaskan tundra was violently murdered by three road signs speeding by us at 75 mph. And it was only HALF my fault!! I promise. Let's just say we picked a fight with a couple road signs and the civic came out looking worse than a one-night stand. So, we have a new car. It's another civic. I know, I'm nothing if consistent.

LOVE it!

Rodeo Day

So we have this pond (some call it a drainage ditch, whatev. It holds water, and it's round. That's a pond.) And this bird is a permanent fixture in it. Mufasa's got the attention span of a goldfish, three seconds and you've lost him. We can't even get him to catch a tennis ball (isn't that a dogs favorite pastime) but the one thing he does love to do is chase after these sand hill cranes. So sometimes, just to be sadistic I'll send him out to chase after this crane. The funniest part is when Mufasa realizes he has to go *into* the water to chase him, 'never mind', 'I'll let this one go'.

Is he hot or what? I'd do him. Oh wait, bahahaha! p.s. In case you're out of the loop, we live in Kissimmee, not kiss me, KissImmee

This is what Mufasa will do if we leave his bag out. Talk about desperate. I read online about doggie depression, and Mufasa seems like a prime time candidate. Is that the face of 'bring me back to China' or what?

This is part of my family, in Florida. An extention of Patsy (Mike's step-mom) sons and co. Real cowboys, running a ranch and everything. I asked them to let me help with a calving, and they looked back at me like I was two pepperonis short of a pizza. But here's Brett (in red) and his son with one of the steers they entered into the fair.

Nette (a complete sweetheart, also Patsy's daughter) and her son with his respective steer.

I thought this was HIGH-larious, did you know they wash and blow dry all the steers before showing? I told Mike after we saw this that now there was no giving me flack for taking a long time to get ready...haha.

And here, you have one of the winning steers. He was kind of weirded out I wanted to take his picture, but my my my that's one fine steer right here.

Awww. We're lovers. AND friends. And I look like a crack whore in this picture, what can I say, four hours of sleep a night will get to you.

Bidders, on your mark....GO!

p.s. You know your a redneck when....your offered rodeo day off instead of Presidents day. True story.

Clinicals

First day at clinicals was everything and nothing like I thought it might be. I never thought I would be assigned the crazy clinical director, I mean the director who being older than many of the residents themselves had a stroke *while* working, finished her shift and then drove herself to the hospital. Some might call it dedication, I call it crazy. The rest of my day went something like this:

Jane Doe (old, thin, and moves about pushing her wheelchair by her feet is doing her scooting thing when she stops abruptly at two men, turns to them and says): John, your OLD!!

John Doe (old, thin, and on a nasal cannula, slouched in a stationary wheelchair): I'm not old!

Jane Doe: Your NINETY!!

John Doe: Your FOUR months younger than I am!

Jane: So? Your NINETY! (now referring to a friend who had come up behind them, call her Betty)

Jane: Don't even ask how old Betty is, she doesn't know.

Betty: I don't want to know!

Jane: One time I spent an entire day trying to figure out how old Betty was, and at the end of the day....she didn't even want to know!

Betty: I don't WANNA know how old I am!

Okay, switch scenes. Now I'm giving a patient a bed bath. Now, I know as you age your skin grows more thin and sensitive....but this lady was crazy. Every time the washcloth touched her skin, she would scream 'Ow! OW! Yur hurtin mu skiiin!!!' (The nurse I was with just pushed on through. I guess being ballsy is part of the job.) I used that washcloth like a feather, it was a loong ten minutes but we made it through the shower and were blow drying the patients hair.....when she lets one go. A stool, a big, watery, messy, smelly stool. *deep sigh* Here we go! I was later told the patient had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Hey! I wasn't that far off after all!

All kidding aside, I really do love nursing. Some of the patients are so sweet. Like the gentleman I worked with who at 6:30 in the morning was sitting up in his bed, bright eyed and bushy tailed (with a towel over his head) and grinning at me with a big gummy smile.

Our Home

It happened. Somewhere in the last year, we became domesticated. We put our passports in a box and instead of buying a plane ticket, we bought a couch. After sleeping on more hostel beds than I can remember, it's nice to come home to things we love.
This is the living room, still unfinished. We haven't decided on what kind of wall art we want to put up. Also, the lamp will be moved to the bedroom (when our bed arrives in a few weeks) and in it's place a bronze lamp.

We love love love this piece! The picture doesn't do it justice. And yes, we use our computer for a t.v. right now. Buying a flat screen was low on the priority list.

We bought these to put in the dining area to connect the yellow couch with the rest of the living space. Kinda cute though.

Sorry about the flash on the picture, but this is one of my favorite things. We collect the currency from all of the countries that we go to. I never really knew what I wanted to do with it, until we were looking for ideas of things to put up on the walls. From Bangladesh to Malaysia, it's a great reminder of all of the fun Mike and I have had together.

4:15

That would be A.M. It's way too early in the morning to be seen like this. Happy Monday, everyone!

Quarter Century

I'm how old??

Yea, I know it looks like I'm doing something else....but I'm really just lotioning up my legs for this hot birthday getup.
That's right, 25 years ago I was naked, wet, and screaming. Oddly enough, I can point out several moments in my life where that same response seems just as appropriate. So, in honor of the big day I've come up with 25 life lessons that I've either learned or had reinforced this year.

1. It really is possible to study 24 hours a day, every day.

2. Never pretend to be anything your not.

3. The decision to have children should always be on your own terms.

4. Don't follow the crowd.

5. Silverfish are disgusting

6. Don't ever, under any circumstances try home remedies on #5. They won't work.

7. Even the worst situations in life look better with Mike by my side.

8. Maine. Enough said.

9. I really could live off a diet of cucumbers, mango's, and peppermint patties.

10. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day.

11. Don't drink the Lao Lao in Phuket.

12. Never pretend to be pregnant with your dog so you can sneak him on a Chinese train. He'll just end up peeing on your sheets.

13. Everyone likes to find love-notes in their lunch.

14. Always admit when your wrong.

15. It's really really funny to play pranks on Mike while he's in the shower. Even if he doesn't thinks so. I love you baby!

16. Life is short, do what you want.

17. Nursing is going to make me more OCD than I already am.

18. Take risks.

19. You may not be able to control your circumstances, but you can control your attitude, and that makes all the difference.

20. Never say never, because it probably will.

21. Richard Dawkins and Ayn Rand books will never get old.

22. Don't set impossible budgets. ahem.potterybarn.ahem.

23. Traveling is my drug of choice.

24. I could retire at a lakeside cabin in the middle of the woods somewhere north of the equator.

25. Honesty and kindness should prevail above all else.

p.s. Mike made my birthday so special. I told him I didn't want any presents (we exchange years not days...guess who's year it is? ) But I came home to the sweetest love letter. : )

The next day I got to spend all day hanging out with this italian stallion!

This one's just for posterity, because let's get real. I only curl my hair one out of every 6 million days. Say 'sexy love'!