Jane Doe (old, thin, and moves about pushing her wheelchair by her feet is doing her scooting thing when she stops abruptly at two men, turns to them and says): John, your OLD!!
John Doe (old, thin, and on a nasal cannula, slouched in a stationary wheelchair): I'm not old!
Jane Doe: Your NINETY!!
John Doe: Your FOUR months younger than I am!
Jane: So? Your NINETY! (now referring to a friend who had come up behind them, call her Betty)
Jane: Don't even ask how old Betty is, she doesn't know.
Betty: I don't want to know!
Jane: One time I spent an entire day trying to figure out how old Betty was, and at the end of the day....she didn't even want to know!
Betty: I don't WANNA know how old I am!
Okay, switch scenes. Now I'm giving a patient a bed bath. Now, I know as you age your skin grows more thin and sensitive....but this lady was crazy. Every time the washcloth touched her skin, she would scream 'Ow! OW! Yur hurtin mu skiiin!!!' (The nurse I was with just pushed on through. I guess being ballsy is part of the job.) I used that washcloth like a feather, it was a loong ten minutes but we made it through the shower and were blow drying the patients hair.....when she lets one go. A stool, a big, watery, messy, smelly stool. *deep sigh* Here we go! I was later told the patient had been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Hey! I wasn't that far off after all!
All kidding aside, I really do love nursing. Some of the patients are so sweet. Like the gentleman I worked with who at 6:30 in the morning was sitting up in his bed, bright eyed and bushy tailed (with a towel over his head) and grinning at me with a big gummy smile.