No, I wasn't born in Alaska.

Mike and I both work as bartenders on a train in Alaska that operates from Seward to Talkeetna and back. While doing this, we discover that the average person either has a surprisingly low IQ or packs their brain in with their luggage...because these are only a few of the common concerns a tourist will voice.

Scenario A

After walking off the ship, onto a train facing the ocean, they turn to me and ask "Which way will this train be going?"

Scenario B

Guest: Which way will this train be going?

Me: South.

Guest: Well I'll need to switch spots with someone because I can not ride backwards.

Me: The train will be completely full today, but after everyone is loaded, I'll see what I can work out.

Guest: Well, I just can't ride backwards or I'll get sick.

Me: Have you ever ridden backwards before?

Guest: -long pause-

Me: You can actually see the scenery for longer while riding the train backwards.

Guest: -whoooshhh-this is way over my head-I just can't ride backwards.

Me: -pause-breathe-smile- I'll work something out. 

Also among the more amusing things I overhear:

"I came up to Alaska to see the penguins."

"Look honey.....GLACIERS!!!"

"When are we going to see a moose?"

And the best part of my job......picking out all the people who bought shoes exclusively for the cruise. You can spot them a hundred yards away, and it's hilarious. Seventy five year old couples who bought hiking shoes, regular walking shoes just won't do....this is Alaska. We're going to need major footwear for all these lodges we're staying at.....LOL. And I would be amiss if I didn't mention the matchy matchy. Matching blue coats with matching totes, it happens more than you'd think. 

While this post may seem like it's dripping with sarcasm, I smile and share a soft chuckle with myself while typing this. Knowing that in four hours, I'll be up and on the train at 2:30a.m. doing it all over again.

Northern Exposure

We descended into the brisk (a kind word for f*%#@! cold) weather of Alaska. The fact that Ms. Redoubt has blown her fury and ash all over Alaska meant that in addition to the ice and snow, even beautiful year-round greenery took to a hideous shade of grey. Michael was determined that he not lose his tan, so he set up his lawn chair on the ice blanketing the lake. I heard him mumble something about the reflection of the light and getting burned on cloudy days. I was going to laugh, but damn the boy makes cold look so cool!

I'm not joking....it was really cold when we got here. We drove through the mountains and stared at all of the piles of snow that were bigger than we were.

 Because of the crazy hours we work during the summer, we have to send Mufasa to doggy-day-care via our good friend Tammy (really, your a life-saver!). Well, the tides turned and as fate would have it, the day after we arrived both her and her husband were leaving town and needed someone to care after the animals. The animals including a Rottweiler (who weighs more than Mike), a Yorkie/Chihuahua mix, two independent cats....and Mufasa. 

One day we got really adventurous and loaded them into our car to hike at a nearby bog park. We arrived happily confused because we had been looking DOG park, only this was a much more scenic option. 

I enjoy running, especially when it includes tuning the world out and jamming to RiRi or other especially classy artists. One particular run I decided to put Sasha (the dog that outweighs me by at least 50 pounds) on a leash to you know, motivate me. She pulled the leash every few feet, trying to stop and obsess at some invisible pheromone....but having prepared myself for this was ready and tugged her bag in line. After a few blocks we had both established zen and I was rockin out center stage space cadet style when WHAMMM, DRAG (Kim-I'd like you to meet the pavement. Asphalt-meet Kim), rocks, barking...and panic ensue. This is when it would have been helpful to be aware of the two Rottweilers approaching from the opposite direction. And yes, It was that embarrassing...welcome to my life :) 

But on a brighter note-we saw our first moose of the season! The fact that it really was this close is only one of the reasons I love Alaska. Yakay, and the reason it's blurry is because I had like two milliseconds to capture this moment with mother nature. Was it that he looked like he's giving me the 'don't make me chase you' stare or the fact that I looked like a half naked tourist and I couldn't tune out the laughter from the passing motorists?? Maybe both.Sasquatch, Davy Crockett, Old Yeller....they ain't got nothing on us. Mike, Mufasa, and myself had a hell of a time climbing and conquering Flattop, an Anchorage peak that lies at about 3500 feet. Keep in mind you start at sea-level. I'm totally justifying. Just so we're on the same page, in preparation for the upcoming work season...I'm rebelling against my beauty products for the weekend. So don't be a hater.  Mike, being an unconventional guy....felt the need to descend the mountain in a very, unconventional way. He tried his darndest to get me to slide down the mountain with him, but I was too terrified of triggering an avalanche. I was a wiener, I know. Aside from the fact that this picture is horribly overexposed, I love how quintessential Alaska this picture is.I am typing this blog post approximately 127 miles from boo#2. All of this writing's making me miss you. Muah, and all my love to Mufasa. 

When life brings you down

Laugh your heart out, just a few of my favorites. 

My Little Soap Box: Call it blogger suicide .

Mike and I have been dating for roughly six years and one of the most commonly asked questions of us is: When are you two going to get married- you know tie the knot, make a family, take the plunge??? Which leaves me in the rather awkward position of saying....never. Actually I turn the question around and ask them why I would want to commit myself to an institution that fails more often than it succeeds. But I realize that in most cases I talking to a wall, because the idea of marriage is so readily accepted in society that to oppose such an act is blasphemy, or at least borderline insanity.

I've long shied away from addressing the topic, so clearly linked to my views on religion to spare my family any hurt this belief causes. However, my good friend Kirsten Uhler (kirstenuhler.com) recently wrote a paper on traditional marriage. It required hours of research and from conception I was anxious to read her thoughts on the matter. There were several points made in her paper that reflected my own views toward marriage, and I thought to myself....what a good ice-breaker!! And while this post is in no way meant to be a comprehensive argument against marriage, I am merely attempting to establish a few...points of reason.

Most people argue that by repeating verbatim a set a words in front of a person of questionable integrity that your relationship is magically transformed to something that transcends differences and into self created euphoria. The reality could not be further from the truth. In all likelihood, your relationship will continue on the same path it trod prior to 'the happiest day of your life'. While I realize the words symbolize a commitment to each other, that commitment is entirely attainable outside of a legal or religious realm. What's interesting to me is that same commitment that was supposed to draw the couple closer is often the same commitment that serves as their demise. Marriage lulls you into a sense of complacency and comfort. Standards are relaxed and soon the very traits that attracted you towards your companion are the very things which are soon lost in the tide of time. 

One of my original discomforts with marriage was the fact that I had to pick just ONE person to share my ENTIRE life with, often at age when self discovery has just begun. The very idea that two people can maintain a relationship that fulfills all of their physical and emotional needs is slim, as shown by the statistics. I believe that it is possible, even convenient to be able to find such a person, but the reality of the situation is that those people at some point will grow in different directions. It is then, as adults we should acknowledge that fact, and move on in a more positive direction instead of pressing forward in what can only be a oppressive relationship in some sense or another. 

Kirsten Uhler, in her paper on traditional marriage (kirstenuhler.com) nailed down another key argument. "I believe structure, stabilization, security, and consistency can be achieved without a legal marriage contract. A stable "family unit" can exist in a non-traditional sense." God aside, those are exactly the sentiments and judgements an unmarried couple is subject to regardless of reality.

 The vows you repeat come with no 'club' manual divulging the secrets to maintaining a happy relationships, you simply stand alongside the billions of other couples trying to see past differences and share your life with someone who, for the moment at least...makes you smile, laugh, kiss, and cry. 

Six years out, Mike and I  continue to stay in shape, try new things, listen and address each others problems, aggravate, romance, and support one another. We continually ask about each others happiness and satisfaction in the relationship and have established a happy open relationship with each other based honesty, trust, and love. We both know that if the other person is not happy, we would rather say good-bye to see them happy than have them stick around and be miserable. I wouldn't have it any other way.

p.s. I mean really...drawing up a legal document that evolves around a passion based emotion?? Really??